can anyone spare some "fun" today?

[sushi]

hi everyone, here i am begging for a bit of fun today in the form of gg's of course. otherwise i may have to do some actual work using my brain and it is like mush now and has been for a long time.

as an aside and wondering if anyone else has gone through the following:

being disabled with a mile long list of ailments i have been on some heavy duty painkillers (morphine, oxy) since 1999. i have a degree in writing (and archaeology but that's another story) and i can't think. i have been off the narcotics, for three months, and started taking lyrica but it is so expensive that i have to get it from the pharmaceutical company. every month for every months i have run out of them completely for different reasons, the paperwork needed to have an actual prescription with it (DONE), living in new york it had to be a physical prescription mailed to them (DONE) and the latest, i needed to reapply because of the new year. i don't know if anyone has been on a drug like this, working up to 4 pills a day) but stopping them suddenly is so very dangerous that i cannot believe they actually allow it to happen. luckily, having suicidal thoughts <NO WORRIES, THEY ARE GONE NOW> from a medication was familiar to me because i've had the same reaction to three other meds over the years. what concerns me is that i imagine others have the same problem related to getting a drug that causes similar thoughts who may not recognize this as a medication related issue. i just kept myself physically exhausted and busy so i couldn't think of anything. i can't stop worrying that someone else is feeling that right now and i wish there was something that i could do. i know this is not a game related issue but i was hoping someone else had a bad experience like this and if someone has an idea about where i could "put this message online that might help someone experiencing that right now. please message me if you have an idea that might help. i am sorry if this is not appropriate for gone gambling and you can feel free to delete it if i broke the rules.

p.s. sorry if i don't make sense, i had to get back on the narcitics while i wait for the pharmaceutical company, or me or my doctor's office, to get it together.

thank you, sushi (sue)

 

[laceysoft]

Hi Sue

Hi Sue

I have a family member... my oldest daughter who is going through some similar issues with meds altering her thinking. Around Thanksgving she was in the hospital cause of thoughts of suicide or always thinking she was gonna get hurt..she was in the behavioural health ward for 4 days adjusting her meds and going through group counselling and one on on counselling. It seemed to help changing her meds and taking her off some super powerful meds she had been on. She now through two months of seeing a psychiatrist they think they have her where she needs to be...but as her Mom...it is hard to sit and watch your child go through this and not understanding it as you have never dealt with it before. Support, love and understanding are powerful motivators.

Now I realize you have other things going on and dealing with pain..but you keep your chin up...yes there are people out there going through the same or similar situations...but make sure you have support ...that truly is a key to maintaining...your general well being!!!

Wish I could help you with gg's but I don't have enough...but as soon as I do I will send you some.

Hugs to you!!!!

 

[sushi]

thank you

thank you

no worries about gg points, there are some generous gg fairies out there and with the get lucky's i have plenty enough. i thank those who do that for people. this is a great community although i am always in the background. i never feel good enough to participate in many of the activities but i am very thankful for gone gambling.

i have been ill since '91 which is ironic because my disability was job related respiratory problems. i left the job after 13 years, started college at 33 and moved to florida where i felt like a new person. i ended up graduating with a dual bachelor's degree in creative writing and anthropology and a master's degree in archaeology which was a dream of mine. i finished college in 1999, just weeks after finding out that i had a rare blood disorder and hep-c which resulted in two years of interferon treatments; most people are only on that poison for six months. it was two years of feeling like i had the flu, non-stop. i believe that stress and the interferon caused auto-immune issues, nerve damage (i guess that's fibromyalgia, which i never used to believe was real), muscle & joint degeneration and the list goes on.

as far as your daughter and her meds; sometimes i think some of them cause more harm than good. i had been seeing four doctors and i had to put an end to that for financial reasons. i was taking 22 pills a day for a long time and i decided that i needed to weed out all those which were not necessary. i now am a firm believer that some doctors prescribe because it benefits them; why else give a med that costs $500 a month to someone who gets little more than $3000 a year for prescription coverage. i ran out in september last year and i still have not recovered from that. make sure her meds are compatible because some people can handle a certain combination while others cannot. i was in a small group of people where there was a perfect storm for me to have negative reactions to a mix. when i was younger (i feel very old at 57) i went through the counseling stuff as well and talking to others is very therapeutic. right now, because i'm disabled and it's subsidized, i live in a senior citizen apartment building. i love these people and there is always someone around to talk to. when i start having negative thoughts i make sure that i voice those thoughts because if i sit alone with them it causes problems. it is amazing what our brains are capable of but that same brain can also sabotage your thinking. at my worst, i watched several documentaries about suicide; talk about sick thinking...geez. one show was about the ernest hemingway family and i was only familiar with ernest and his grand daughter margaux killing themselves but there were 14 family members who died in that manner. anyway, getting to the point, when i found out which drug margaux used i got mine out and counted them, wondering if i had enough to do the job. i never would have thought that had i not known she used the same medication that i was taking. some of us are definitely wired differently.

this is exactly what we do to ourselves when there is no outside influence or someone understanding to share our thoughts with. i myself don't have the type of mother that i can share feelings with, that just wasn't how she was built so your daughter is lucky to have you. keep the communication going and keep doing what you're doing and thank you so much for responding. it really helps to know that i am not alone.

sue

 

[laceysoft]

wow your amazing

wow your amazing

That is quite impressive you going to school and getting your degree....but it sure does suck that illness fond it's way into your life...but I have to tell you Sue...I am so very impressed with your intelligence and perseverance. You are so much stronger than you realize and quite well aware of what you need to do when you have negative thoughts...you keep up the wonderful attitude and each day you remember the positive in your life and do what makes you happy.

I love my all my children and sometimes it is hard for me cause I live alone and they won't call or come see me...but I am here and they know it and they always call when they need Mom to give them some support and loving haha...oh to get old and see them all in the adventures of their young lives...I wouldn't trade being my age of 61 to be young again...I see their trials and tribulations and I think god am I glad I don't have to do that all over again lol!!!

I am at home all the time too and on disability and had so much happen to me since 2012...but I work through it and sit on my butt, watch my tv and be on the computer....god forbid I lose either...but gonegambling provides me with so much fun and the ability to win bonuses as I try to deposit once a month to win casino bonuses...I have never been able to withdraw but I am hoping one day to but till then I keep plugging away and having fun!!!

You take care hon and keep your chin up...sending prayers your way too!!!

Deb

 

[sushi]

hey deb

hey deb

first, it saddens me that your children aren't there for you as much as you are for them. i was raised in a manner that this was not a choice for me. we have a close extended family but as i said, my mom wasn't warm toward us. that said, she fostered nearly 30 children before my dad died and the first one became my baby sister. i have another sister who i am very close to, probably because we grew up together, same friends, etc.) and we are only ten and a half months apart in age. i love them both equally and i hesitate to say biological, because it has nothing to do with that, but it's as if we were cut from the same cloth.

second, we are alike regarding television and the computer being a huge part of our lives; i couldn't survive without both of them. i should be embarrassed about the amount of tv that i watch. lately i have been seriously considering getting a novel written. i love writing and it is also a large part of who i am. it isn't something i could ever stop, it's is like eating and breathing and not something i could live without. i focused on poetry in college and most of my writing is descriptive so it's hard to write in narrative form but i am learning by reading and doing. i have discovered, in the half a dozen books i've read on writing novels is that it is a semi-excuse for not sitting and forcing myself to write and yet i have this need to keep reading them. i hope i'm making sense, that's one of the reasons i decided to get off the narcotic pain meds, i'm worried about what i get down on paper being nothing but a waste of time. i have had a couple of people proof for me and i could have 100 people tell me that it's all good and i would still doubt. that's my own stuff though, others causing me to feel inadequate, and even after making the national honor society as an undergrad i still thought that it was a mistake or a fluke and people would discover that i was really ignorant. i have finally come to terms with not needing validation from the outside world and now i'm working on my novel outline. i told myself that i either had to do it or resign to the fact that i would never do it, one or the other. i chose to do it.

i also try to deposit once a month so i can win casino bonuses but living in new york state makes it hard. it isn't legal and there are only two places that i can play at, slotland (my favorite) and win-a-day. i have never cashed out either but i still keep trying. i'm not trying to get rich (i wouldn't object though), i'd just like to be out of debt and not worry about whether i buy groceries or medication, it's always medication. that doesn't mean i go without but i would love to be able to go to the grocery store and just buy everything i needed or wanted without putting something back because there was something else that i needed more. this isn't really living, it's existing and i'm sure that there are so many people out there in the same situation. that makes me sad and i think if i were rich it wouldn't last long because i can't stand to see people go without. that is a character flaw because i always put others first and end up in a bind but i prefer to keep this particular flaw. it makes me feel good and there isn't much else that does the same for me.

i also tell myself that i wouldn't want to be young again because i would probably make the same mistakes but if i had knowledge beforehand that would be a different story. i would have loved to know that my estranged would continue cheating and i would never have added that miserable jerk's name to my mortgage. that small house i had in florida was my little piece of paradise, i felt better physically but i also vaguely remember the happiness i felt, if i can remember it then maybe i can replicate it one day. probably because moving to a warm climate was also a life-long dream and barring winning the lottery, i will never be in a position to have that again. this is something that i can't let go of as hard as i try.

i want you to know that is has been a pleasure sharing some of my story with you. there is a lot of childhood trauma that i continue to deal with and i probably will need to deal with until the day i die but i have the tools that make these things manageable. i guess that's all i can hope for. i often tell myself that many people couldn't survive 1/10th of the trauma i've lived with, nor the myriad of health issues, and i know that there is a reason that i am still here. i sometimes think i know that reason but i will never know for sure but if i can help someone else, in any way, i will.

thank you and i will add you to my prayers as well. i am sincerely grateful.
sue

p.s. i just realized that anyone can read this, i hope they aren't upset that it isn't a gg issue but if someone else can get one grain of insight, knowledge or a hint of help then it is worth it.

 

[marielynne]

Agree, truely amazing!

Agree, truely amazing!

Sue, my heart goes out to you, you have accomplished so much and face such a struggle with grace! The ailments mentioned are so complex and can produce great suffering, I hope you can find the relief needed and not have to jump through so many hoops to get it.

You mentioned depression and thoughts of suicide, I heard this alot from fibro patients . (took care of my ex during his cancer treatment and did massive research on CDB products to help with chemo induced neuropathy, came accross many fibro patients seeking pain relief using this and I learned alot about depression and fibromyalgia, I had no idea it was so debilitating) * and most believe it is drug induced. Im glad you are managing it, depression sucks, my son struggles with anxiety and depression and it is not easy to live with. And fyi, we did have success in using cdb products to reduce pain from neuropathy, it turns off the nerve endings.

I wish you the best and just know you are not alone and next time stop in to chat so we can all give you cyber huggs! I tried to gift you and lacey but it wont let me, Ill keep checking on you! xxxx

 

[marielynne]

Agree, truely amazing!

Agree, truely amazing!

Hugs to you to Laceysoft xxxx hope you win big in your tourney!

 

[laceysoft]

so cool

so cool

Marielynne thanks so much...your awesome and to Sue...writing definitely is a passion and it can really take you to whole new place to express yourself or to create..maybe that will help you too...I love writing tooo but I get lazy haha...it's a lot of work. I don't mind about my children..I do wish I could see them more but I do know they love me but I am guilty of loving them so much and I put my life on hold after their Dad disappeared(I asked for a divorce) and then we found out he passed away 7 years later..dead in bed with the lady he ran to from online and she was dead too...my kids never got resolution why he left them and never had any contact at all...but that is another story...but I wanted to make sure they were ok and they grew up with the morals and values I knew for them to do good in this world. They all turned out pretty decent...no drinking problems or drugs and all went to college.....so I am so proud of them. I think I did a pretty good job being a single Mom with 4 kids.

I really truly hope you find peace Sue...those monkeys on our backs can be devastating to our well being..but as I said your amazing and a very smart woman...you got this and I know in my heart you will do it and will do it quite well.

I try to always remember my therapist saying...the past is gone we can do nothing to change it...let it go...and tomorrow we have no clue what it shall bring so don't worry about something you have no clue about and today is here enjoy and be thankful you are here...and look at what you have and live that day to the fullest.

I hope you have a great day Sue...take care!!!

Deb

 

[kotsy1]

paying it forward sushi. I sent you a little something. enjoy